Church Friends
It's Your Move
Work Zone and High Way
Set up the Confirmation power point, eat, make announcements - Next Sunday W.o.F. IF you are not going, you need to come to church to get credit for the day. Introduce the session:
Show the Confirmation power point to start the lesson. (6min)
Fitting In (2min)
Say: Gary wandered dejectedly into the school lunchroom, looking for a place to sit. Members of the "lunch corner crew" sat at a large table, telling jokes, laughing, and having a great time. The crew happened to be the school's most popular kids. No empty seats at that table.
For most teenagers the desire to fit in is really the desire to be liked-to have value in their peers' eyes. Yet popularity evades the average kid . . . unless God is factored in. It's God's business to make big somebodies out of average kids in ways that seem unconventional in modern society.
Confirmation is the beginning of fitting in with a group that always has room at the table. This group has a purpose other than being exclusive. This group doesn't care if you seem a little weird, to short, to fat, your clothes aren't tight enough, and your jeans don't sag just right. This group is your church family.
When in Wobble, Wobble (10min)
Needed: Wobble Head Cultural Norms handout
Create a list of outrageous social norms, and make one photocopy for each person in your group. Label the lists, "Wobble Head Cultural Norms." Use the following ideas or come up with your own:
"You give another person a friendly greeting by touching your left forearm to his or her left forearm.
"Greeting another person with your right forearm is considered rude.
"Shaking someone's hand is a way to pick a fight with that person.
"Say yes by stomping both feet.
"Say no by clapping your hands.
"The words "hi" and "hello" mean "I don't like you."
"When someone laughs at you, it's considered the ultimate insult.
"When you feel insulted by someone, you turn your back on him or her and ignore that person until he or she stops insulting you.
Ask for 7 volunteers to leave the room - one from each grade. Tell the rest of the youth that they're now inhabitants of a strange island country called Wobble Head Island. Instruct them to relate to one another according to the social customs and standards of the island's culture. Give each person a photocopy of the Wobble Head Cultural Norms list. Give them a few minutes to study their lists.
In the meantime, leave the room and tell your volunteers that they've been shipwrecked on a strange, little-known island country called Wobble Head Island. Tell them that they're tired, hungry, cold, wet, and afraid-and they don't know much about the inhabitants of Wobble Head. Tell them to be careful not to insult the inhabitants but to try to fit in so they can take shelter and perhaps get food and dry clothing.
Send your volunteers back into the meeting room, instructing them to approach the islanders and try to make friends with them.
When teenagers have interacted for several minutes, call an end to the experience.
Break into small groups by Caravan Family Group (5min)
Go anywhere in the church as a small group
Which Way Are You Moving?
Work Zone and High Way
Wobble Heads (6min)
ASK:
"Island inhabitants: What was it like to follow the cultural norms of your society, knowing that the "newcomers" couldn't understand your customs?
"Volunteers: What was it like to try to understand this society, to fit in, and to try to get your needs met?
"Did you find yourself doing crazy things to try to fit in? If so, what?
"How did you feel when you failed to communicate with others?
"Islanders & Volunteers: How was this experience like the experiences we often have when we're trying to gain acceptance from certain people or groups of people?
"Why do you think we try so hard to be acceptable to others?
Say: Sometimes our fear of rejection can cause us to do crazy things to try to gain acceptance from others. Or, when we experience rejection, it can motivate us to withdraw from other people, determining not to risk rejection again.
Moving In
Work Zone & High Way Remain in family groups.
Friendship (8min)
Say: Here's the good and bad of friendship in a nutshell. "You're my BFF: Best Friends Forever!", "Ummm . . . I really like you . . . but just as a friend.", "I thought you were my friend!"
Friend is a word with many meanings in the teenage world. It can mean closest companion, social status, or the one who knows your deepest secrets. It can also be the word youth least want to hear from their biggest crush. It's a confusing term that gets repeatedly redefined in the tumultuous adolescent world of weekly-if not daily-relationship conflicts. Tonight we are going to look at what it really means to be a friend to fit in. Friendship is more than just hanging out or having fun-it involves deep commitment to, care for, and loyalty for another person. And what's the point of friendship after all? Well, as you grow in your friendship with each other you give yourself a chance to grow spiritually. Your actions tell others what kind of Christian you are.
Discuss the following:
Love
Read Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
"What does this verse say about friendship?
"How would you demonstrate love? (By showing interest in their conversation and giving hugs.)
Anger
Read Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
"What does this verse say about friendship?
"How would you show anger? (By being temperamental, aggressive, and curt.)
Pride
Read Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction and a haughty (conceited) spirit before a fall.
"What does this verse say about friendship?
"How would you show this type of pride? (By bragging about yourself)
Encouragement
Read Romans 15:2 let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to edify him.
"What does this verse say about friendship?
"How would you show encouragement? (By asking others how they are doing and make an effort to point out their strengths.)
Say: Whether we like it or not, the behavior of our friends affects us. If we hang out with cynical people, we may find ourselves responding to things in a cynical way. If we hang out with angry people, we'll probably find that their anger affects us. If we hang out with people who don't care about church or God&ldots; well, you get the picture. We need to choose our friends wisely because our friends shape who we become.
Moving On
Work Zone & High Way Remain in family groups.
Famous Friends (10min)
Needed: The List handout
Give the youth about 3 minutes to work on "The List" handout. Have the youth create a list of the "most" people in the world. The people they list may be a friend, a celebrity, or an acquaintance. Try to get them to list at least 2 and not more than 5 in each box.
THE LIST
On this sheet, create a list of the "most" people in the world. The person you list may be a friend, a celebrity, or an acquaintance. Try to get at least 2 and not more than 5 in each box.
FUN TALENTED
DANGEROUS IMMORAL
Say: Would your life be different if these people were your friends? How would it be different? Beside every name on your list, write the reasons you would or would not want this person as your friend.
(Give them 2 or 3 minutes -discuss later.)
Say: In each box, describe how hanging out with the people in that box could change you.
(Give them 2 or 3 minutes-discuss later.)
ASK:
"If the people on your sheet were your closest friends, how might they influence your behavior?
"Do your friends have any influence over your actions, behavior, and decisions? Explain.
"Have you ever been a positive influence in your friendships? Explain.
"What differences exist between friendships in which people are negatively influenced by others and friendships in which people influence others in a positive way?
Say: We are all influenced by the people we spend time with. It's important that we choose our friends wisely to avoid being changed in a negative way. There is nothing wrong with reaching out in friendship to those who need God's love. But we need to make sure that our friendships don't affect and shape our lives in a negative way.
Moving Up
Work Zone & High Way Remain in family groups.
Talk About Friendship (5min)
ASK:
"When you were a young child, who was your best friend? Why?
"Is it better to have one or two close friends or many friends who aren't as close? Why?
"What do you look for in a friend? Why?
"Why do you think God created friendship?
"Could you survive without friends? Why or why not?
"How much influence do your friends have over your choices? Share an example.
Moving Out
Work Zone & High Way Remain in family groups.
Lasting Friendships (5min)
Needed: Lasting Friendships handout
Give each youth a"Lasting Friendships" handout. Have them look it over and find his or her 2 favorite "tips" to share with the group. Have them tell why.
Lasting Friendships
Listen - A lot - Without interrupting.
Give your friends space to change.
Consider never declaring any one person your "best friend."
Affirm your friends. Tell them why knowing them is good for you. Be specific.
Don't gossip. Ever. To anyone. What goes around, comes around.
Invite your friends to church and youth group.
Help others with homework, and be willing to accept help.
Be yourself around your friends.
Forgive others quickly and completely.
Do things that let you talk with your friends.
Remember birthdays.
Be transparent and consistent. Be an advocate for your friends when you're with them-and when you're not.
If your friends get into trouble that's beyond your ability to help-if they're threatening to hurt themselves or others, for instance-be willing to ask a trusted adult to intervene. No matter what you promised about keeping secrets. Your friends are more important than your feeling inadequate to help.
Pay your way. Don't let your friends always pick up the check or pay for the gas.
Keep in touch. On the computer, on the cell, and visits. Invest in friends.
Be open to new friendships.
Clip cartoons out of the paper that remind you of friends. Stuff the cartoons in their lockers.
Be loyal.
Avoid put-down humor. It's toxic.
Help friends paint houses, move heavy stuff, and survive break-ups.
Laugh a lot.
Don't help friends avoid responsibility or consequences.
Be the sort of friend you want to have.
Return to the Family Life Center
Closing
Work Zone & High Way
Gather in a big circle.
Say: Wasn't it nice to have tables back for the end of Lent? UMYF, Confirmation, Chat Room are some of the groups where you should always have room at the table for all of your friends. These groups have a purpose other than being exclusive. These groups don't care if you seem a little weird, to short, to fat, your clothes aren't tight enough, and your jeans don't sag just right. These groups are your church friends.
Prayer
Dear Heavenly Father, please help us to not be Wobble Heads. Help us to endure our friendships and guide our values. In Jesus name we pray.
Amen.
When you're finished: Join hands, right over left, and say the UMYF benediction.
Gather for this lesson: Wobble Head Cultural Norms handout, Family Group list, The List handout, Lasting Friendships handout
