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Provide Godly Perspective About Moral Issues The “generation gap” between teenagers and parents is evident not just in different tastes in music and clothes. Many of today’s young people also have different attitudes from their parents about moral issues such as homosexuality and cohabitation. Meanwhile, cursing has become an accepted form of everyday conversation, and pornography is spreading like wildfire, due to new technology. Jim Burns, author of The 10 Building Blocks for a Happy Family, says one essential building block is healthy morals and values. “The decisions kids make today will often affect them for the rest of their lives,” he writes. “Parents have significant powers of influence—through modeling and teaching—over the morals and values their kids carry into adulthood.” In our “anything goes” society, it isn’t enough to just preach your beliefs. To instill lasting Christian values in your kids, you should lead by example, remembering that perfection isn’t expected (or possible). Don’t be afraid to bring up controversial topics and ask how your kids feel about them. Instead of quickly shooting down their opinions, listen to their reasoning. Pay attention to what your kids’ friends and media choices say about moral issues. Then dig up some tough questions and connect Scripture to real-life moral dilemmas. Most importantly, let kids know you aren’t the moral decision-makers; God sets his standards for right and wrong in the Bible. And he promises to bless people who strive to follow his commands out of love for him. Use this issue of “Youth2o” to help you and your kids tackle tough moral issues. The United Methodist Perspective I identify with Romans 7:15. Paul writes, “I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.” I regularly fall short of being who I want to be and who God calls me to be. John Wesley taught that God provides us with: Prevenient grace - Our loving God offers us grace before we accept or even recognize it. Justifying grace - We accept God’s grace, come into a new life, and are changed. Sanctifying grace - God’s sustaining grace supports us as we move toward perfection. Wesley describes the way we humans fall short as “backsliding.” These Romans 7:15 times are frustrating and even destructive. Christians often think we need to hide our faults and “have it all together” to come to church and share our faith. But instead of feeling defeated by inevitable backsliding, we should remember God’s sustaining grace that supports and pushes us on as we grow and move toward perfection in Christ. (Hank Hilliard, Young People’s Ministries, hhilliard@GBOD.org)   PulsePulsePulsePulsePulsePulsePulse Hot-button issues are dividing many 21st-century families. Here’s a snapshot into what’s morally okay with today’s teenagers: * Young people say they have the most conflicts with older adults over lifestyle issues, including their views on family. (Pew Research Center) * A  majority (59%) of 18- to 29-year-olds think gay or lesbian couples should be allowed to legally marry, while support among the older age groups reaches only as high as 40%. (USA Today/Gallup Poll) * More than two-thirds (69%) of young people approve of living together before marriage. And almost half (49%) of “churched” kids approve of this arrangement. (Gallup Poll)   Great Questions ...to Ask Your Kids  Encourage your teenagers to open up about tough moral issues by asking point-blank questions: 1. Do you think God approves of and loves homosexuals? Why or why not? Should gay couples be allowed to marry? 2. If two people are going to get married anyway, is it okay for them to live together first? Why or why not? 3. What effects can porn have on people’s sexual attitudes and habits? 4. What does it feel like to define your values and stand up for what you believe? What can help you face that challenge?   GOD AND YOUR FAMILY Pray that: 1. Your teenagers will internalize Christian morals and use God’s Word as a guide to determine what’s right and wrong. 2. Your kids will feel comfortable opening up to you about the day-to-day moral dilemmas they face. 3. God will help you be a strong moral example for your impressionable teenagers. 4. Your teenagers will shine as lights in a dark world and make an impact on others who are searching for truth.   VERSE OF THE MONTH “Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life.” (Philippians 2:15-16) Temptation is the root cause of all the immorality and ungodly behavior in our world. But because our perfect God paid the ultimate price for us, we have His hope and forgiveness. When we reflect God’s light and live by His Word, other people will see that God’s truth is the right path.   Insights from SimplyYouthMinistry.com More Christian kids are becoming “Christian chameleons” these days, according to David R. Smith, content development director at TheSource4YM.com. (Read his entire article by typing “chameleons” into the search engine at www.SimplyYouthMinistry.com.) Many teenagers reflect the morals of the world rather than Scripture. The sad truth is that the lifestyle of a “churched” or “Christian” teenager is far too similar to the lifestyle of an unchurched or non-Christian teenager these days. The line has become so blurred that distinguishing who's who is often hard to do. Chameleons blend in with the backdrop. Their entire image morphs depending on where they are at any given moment. When Christian teenagers do it, they develop an “image problem,” according to David Kinnaman, author of Unchristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity. Studying a group he calls “Mosaics,” those born between 1984 and 2002, Kinnaman found that 84% of those young people knew at least one committed Christian, but only 15% of this same group could see a difference in lifestyle between themselves and their self-proclaimed Christian friends. Kids don’t need us to lower the standards that govern their spiritual lives, nor do they need us to share empty platitudes. No, they need a total image makeover. In 2 Corinthians 3:18, Paul writes that “we are being transformed into his image.” With every passing day, we’re supposed to look more and more like Jesus. The church—literally “the called-out ones” —was never intended to mirror the world that so desperately needs it. But that’s exactly what’s happening! Kids’ greatest need isn’t a new message, just conformity to the old one. Talk with your teenagers about the example they set before their peers. Many of our actions are seen by others, and all of them are tied to consequences, for good or bad.   FilmWatch Movie: To Save a Life (releases Jan. 22)                 Genre: Drama Rating: PG-13 (for mature thematic elements involving teen suicide, teen drinking, some drug content, disturbing images and sexuality) Synopsis: When childhood friends Jake and Roger drift apart in high school, Roger can’t take the loneliness and pain, so he kills himself. Jake, wracked with guilt, searches for redemption and answers, even as his world spins out of control. In a youth group, he finds help and a new set of friends. Discussion Questions: Think about your longest-lasting friendship: What has kept it going? Why do some friends drift apart? Is it okay to let some friendships grow cold? Why or why not? Read aloud John 15:9-17. What’s important for a strong friendship? Do you need to reconnect or reconcile with anyone? Explain.   Do Whatever Feels Good all the Time? One of the challenges of parenting for Christians is that we want our kids to be as excited about God’s unbelievable grace and forgiveness as we are—but we still want them to perform. We pray they’ll be absolutely convinced that their place in God’s family (and ours) is not conditional on how well they follow Christ or obey us, but we still stress repeatedly that their best option is to follow and obey. Paul could relate. At the very beginning of his letter to the Christians and the church in Corinth he spells out in explicit detail everything they were doing wrong as individuals and as a group in how they were “doing church.” He uses some harsh-sounding words to reveal their selfish, selfish hearts. He ridicules them for misunderstanding God’s grace to mean they should have the right do whatever feels good all the time. As parents, we know misunderstandings never happen between us and our teenagers&ldots;. Right? Especially when every discussion ends with, “But everyone else is doing It!” Studies show many really do believe that most everyone else their age is cussing, cheating, drinking, smoking, and/or having sex. But they’re wrong about the numbers. The following are a few excerpt from Newsweek and report that students are very bad at estimating what percentage of their peers are engaging in risky behavior. “The extent of this misperception – called pluralistic ignorance – has been measured in dozens of studies. From middle school through college, students wildly overestimate how many of their classmates are cussing, cheating, drinking, and hooking up. In many surveys, they perceive almost twice as much debauchery as really exists&ldots; This distortion ends up having a very real effect on a teen’s behavior. Adolescents are especially concerned with social comparisons. If they believe they are failing to measure up, they often change their attitudes and behaviors to be consistent with the peer group. Wanting to fit in, they migrate to the norm, or more accurately, to the false norm they perceive.” Beyond the debate over what their peers are doing, though, we’d still like to help our kids counter their natural instinct to follow the norm and set their standards higher. Our best hope is to model wisdom, along with demonstrating a passion for risky Christ-likeness. Paul reveals risky Christ-likeness by expressing his deep assurance that the, “do whatever feels good” people of Corinth know they are receivers of God’s grace enriched with the Holy Spirit and spiritual gifts. He wanted them to choose to do right not to earn God’s love but because they already had it and were empowered to imitate it in serving Him and each other.