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‘Positive Doubting’ Is Essential for Faith Growth Many Christians think (or fear) that if they question fundamentals of the faith, they’re “flawed” as believers. But as the Bible shows, the people of God have always included the doubtful. Sarah laughed, Peter started sinking, and Thomas insisted on seeing and touching the risen Christ. When we have doubts about something, we examine its truthfulness, we weigh and evaluate it, and we consider how much of ourselves we wish to invest in it. In other words, if we’re ever going to truly own our beliefs, we must critically examine them first. As Frederick Buechner wrote, “Doubts are the ants in the pants of faith. They keep it awake and moving.” One of the greatest concepts you can convey to your teenagers is how to deal positively with doubts. “Positive doubting” isn’t so much the opposite of faith as it is an element of faith, according to theologian Paul Tillich. Professor Dean Hardy, analyzing statistics in the “Pulse” section below, wrote, “When the doubts get ignored, it could eventually result in serious skepticism of one’s worldview and personal faith.” In the book The Dangers of Growing Up in a Christian Home (Thomas Nelson), psychologist Donald Sloat writes, “Each of us is different and has to come to grips with his own faith and make it real through personal experience.” For that to happen, he notes, teenagers need “supportive environments that provide freedom for struggle so that their faith suits their unique personalities.” Use the information in this issue of “The Parent Link” to help you provide an environment that makes it safe for your teenagers to doubt. Here are some avenues for nurturing healthy doubting in your teenagers: * A “safe” family—Foster attitudes that say it’s okay to question and doubt. That way, kids will feel free to think critically and explore honestly. * A challenging youth group—Help your teenagers find a youth group or Bible study that encourages them to evaluate and internalize biblical truths. * Experiential learning—Truth comes alive when teenagers experience it rather than just hear it. For example, have kids play the role of a skeptic or an unbeliever. When kids must think like someone else, they raise questions that will stimulate growth. * Media opportunities—Watch for movie clips and listen for song lyrics that center around doubt or questioning. Then discuss them with your teenagers. * Share your personal doubts—Don’t act as though you’ve “got it all together.” If your kids are going to grow through positive doubting, they need you to be an example.   PulsePulsePulsePulsePulsePulsePulse Recent studies show that as kids grow, their doubts don’t fade away. Instead, they multiply. * Among teenagers, 80% say they have “very few” to “no” doubts at all, while 19% say they have “some” or “many” doubts. (Soul Searching, Dr. Christian Smith) * Among college freshmen, 42% say they’re secure in their religious beliefs. (UCLA’s Higher Education Research Institute) * Among college juniors, 65% say they question their beliefs at least occasionally.   Great Questions ...to Ask Your Kids  Use these questions to start some in-depth conversations about faith:  1. Is doubt healthy? Does it mean your faith is weak? Why or why not?  2. How skeptical are you? Before believing something, how much evidence or understanding do you need? 3. What things about God and the Bible are the hardest for you to believe, and why? 4. Why do you think God asks us to believe without visual “proof”? 5. Think about a time when you struggled with your faith: How did that affect your relationship with God?   GOD AND YOUR FAMILY Pray that: 1. Your teenagers will feel comfortable raising doubts and asking questions about their faith. 2. Your teenagers will grow closer to God as they wrestle with problems, relationships, and other tough issues. 3. God will help you be a good listener and support system to your teenagers in all areas of their lives. 4. Amid your own doubts and struggles, God will assure you of his presence and his love for you.   VERSE OF THE MONTH Jesus said to Thomas, “Don’t be faithless any longer. Believe! &ldots;. You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.” (John 20:27, 29) When the risen Christ first appeared to his disciples in the flesh, Thomas wasn’t present. He adamantly refused to believe unless he could touch Jesus’ wounds. We, too, often waver and demand evidence to support our unsteady faith. But God assures us that all the proof and answers we need are available in his holy and unchanging Word, the Bible.   What’s Up With Kids Wondering how you can discover your teenagers’ doubts, questions, fears, and feelings? Youth minister Doug Fields, writing at SimplyYouthMinistry.com, says great questions are key: 1. The key to asking great questions is to LISTEN. Silence is golden. Many times I'll walk away from a conversation and say, “I’m an idiot, I talked too much.” Listening is the best way to communicate care. Try to refrain from thinking ahead and trying to solve someone’s problem with a verbal bandage. Listen for someone’s needs. What does their body language tell you? Begin the process of identifying needs even before you start to ask questions. 2. Ask questions without a question mark. For example, instead of asking, “Did you have a good day today?” say, “Tell me what you did today.” 3. Don't give up; push with follow-up questions. The second question is often the most difficult one to ask. Hang in there. Keep asking questions (go for six to 10 before you give up). Asking good questions can be the key to opening the door to dialogue (superficial, basic questions), which leads to connection (deeper questions), which leads to growth (challenging, faith-building questions). 4. Use your questions as a way to teach. Telling someone exactly what they need to know is ineffective for at least two reasons: The learner is passive and isn’t convinced he or she needs the truth. The eternal truths of God and wisdom for everyday living are simply too important (and complex) to reduce to a lecture of platitudes and clichés. A good question puts the “ball in the court” of the other person. Aside from generating verbal interaction, everyone can answer the question in their own thoughts.   FilmWatch Movie: Slumdog Millionaire   Genre: Crime, Drama, Romance Rating: R (for some violence, disturbing images, and language) Synopsis: This film, an Oscar favorite for Best Picture, is about Patel (Jamal Malik), a poor, uneducated teenager from Mumbai. After an astounding performance on the Indian version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, Patel is arrested for cheating. As he tells investigators about his life and his struggles, we find out how Patel knows the game-show answers. Despite some objectionable content in the movie, love and hope triumph over tough conditions. Discussion Questions: When have you felt like an underdog? What obstacles have you had to overcome at home or at school? Are hard work and good intentions all you need to succeed? Why or why not? When people doubt or challenge you, what motivates you to keep trying?   Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Okay, good question! It’s all about the perception, right. Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the spiritual season leading to Easter known as Lent. Traditionally, many believers fast, or “give up” something for Lent - such as watching television - as an act of discipline in sacrifice to God. This year, some are “fasting” from FaceBook, Texting or blogging. It’s all a matter of your spiritual intent and focus. There are a couple things I wish we could give up. The first is the “I’m right/you’re wrong” attitude with which we (oh all right, I) sometimes write. I mean, intelligent, Jesus-loving, Bible-believing people can actually have thoughtful yet differing interpretations of the Bible, and have different positions on social issues. Really! While we may passionately disagree with someone, I wish we could give up labeling them as wrong, or presuming to judge their spiritual commitment because they take a different position than we do on a given topic. The second would be holding grudges. It’s such a waste of time. Now I’m not saying that giving things up creates more time in a day I’m just saying it creates a point for us to focus on. A few months ago I gave the Youth a red quarter as part of a UMYF lesson. The point wasn’t to make everyone a little wealthier but to focus us on God with an everyday object. In order for the youth to really get something out of the lesson the quarter needed to be with them each day, so that it would be tempting to spend the quarter. If they took it home and just hid it to keep it safe where they wouldn’t be tempted to spend it that would be missing the point. It takes a little effort and sacrifice to be a Christian. The really cool thing about that lesson was that it will tie in with our upcoming lesson on Communion; a remembrance of the sacrifice God made for us. Lent is about sacrifice. Putting forth the effort to give something up that you really need to work at is the key. It creates focus – thus more daily time spent worshiping God. The word “communion” is also defined as a sharing of something. We all commune together to share in the season of Lent. So, at UMYF (a fellowship group), we are giving something up as a community, - tables. The sacrifice of tables will remind us each UMYF that we are here for each other and that we can sacrifice not only as individuals but also as the body of Christ!