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Help kids love and value themselves as God’s own

Self-esteem takes a big hit as kids approach and enter adolescence. As their bodies change, young people are constantly bombarded with unattainable standards in the media. Cornell University’s Joan Brumberg says America has “a culture of kids who are being socialized to unrealistic images.” These impressionable kids constantly come up short when they compare themselves to society’s perceived ideals.

When self-esteem suffers, kids react in numerous ways. The worse kids feel about themselves, research shows, the more obsessed they become with buying stuff. Others turn to violence to try to fit in. One study found that girls are turning to alcohol to manage their low self-esteem and to repress anxieties and fears. Some kids behave provocatively or have plastic surgery to try to fit in and attain the world’s beauty standards.

When teenagers see themselves through the world’s eyes, they’ll fall short. Our job is to help them begin to see themselves through God’s eyes. He not only made each young person in his image but also has a plan for each of their lives.

David R. Smith at theSource4YM.com says an effective strategy for boosting self-esteem is providing service opportunities. “When we put young people in situations where they help others who are worse off than themselves, it is not only a great opportunity to show love and compassion to the needy, it provides these young people with a larger world view than the ‘plastic’ exterior they see in the media and the shallow world around them.” Read on for more ideas about boosting your teenagers’ self-image in a God-centered way.

The United Methodist Perspective

John Wesley had a passion for serving and loving those whom society despised. He took God’s message of love into the streets, saying “all the world” was his parish. Through his sermons as well as his social-justice projects, Wesley brought dignity and esteem to those who were looked down on the most.

Teenagers often feel alone and unloved. They may feel they don’t measure up to their peers or to other people’s expectations. Worse, some parents wrongly believe they’ve lost their influence, leaving teenagers to navigate adolescence alone.

Wesley boldly broke from the normal way of doing things and was able to enact significant, lasting change. As parents, you can do the same thing by viewing teenagers as your parish. Take steps to lift up your kids. Eat dinner together. Hold a family board-game night. Write a letter telling your kids what you love about each one of them. Pray with and for your teenagers. Ministering to your kids is the most important thing a parent can do.

(Hank Hilliard, Young People’s Ministries, hhilliard@GBOD.org) 

 

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Many kids don’t like what they see in the mirror.

81% of 10-year-olds are afraid of getting fat, and 66% of girls ages 10 to 14 say they want to change some aspect of their appearance. (Dove Campaign for Real Beauty)

High school girls tend to see themselves as 11 pounds over their ideal body weight, while boys perceive themselves as heavier than they are and want to be even bigger. (American Journal of Health Behavior)

Not everyone agrees there’s a self-esteem crisis. Psychology professor Jean Twenge says today’s kids are brimming with self-confidence, which can lead to narcissism. Setting unrealistic goals can blow up in kids’ faces, Twenge says. (The Narcissism Epidemic)

 

Great Questions

...to Ask Your Kids 

Explore kids’ self-image and God’s image of them by asking:

1. What’s your opinion of your body and yourself in general? Do you like what you see in the mirror? in your heart? Explain.

2. How accurate are your perceptions of yourself? 

3. Can people have a too-high self-esteem? Explain.

4. What does it take to be satisfied with your looks and with yourself in general?

5. What do you think God sees when he looks at you? What, if anything, might God want to change about your character or attitude?

 

GOD AND YOUR FAMILY

Pray that:

1. God will help your teenagers have a realistic self-image based on their value as his special creation.

2. God will protect your kids from harmful images and messages portrayed through the media and peers.

3. You will be empowered to view your teenagers and yourself through God’s eyes, not the world’s.

4. Your teenagers will value inward character more than outward appearance.

 

VERSE OF THE MONTH

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.’” (1 Samuel 16:7)

David was an unlikely choice to be king. Of Jesse’s sons, David was the youngest and shortest. But God looked deeper and knew who he’d help David become. In his wisdom, God does the same thing for each of us.

 

What’s Up With Kids

Youth-culture expert Walt Mueller, writing at SimplyYouthMinistry.com, offers practical tips for helping your kids cope with body-image issues.

We’re raising a generation of kids, both girls and boys, who have been hammered by images of culturally defined beauty and perfect body types since the day they were born. Consequently, they believe they’re nothing unless they look and are shaped a certain way. Never are they told by the media that if they have nothing in this world but a relationship with God through Christ, they will have everything. As parents, we must do everything in our power to steer our kids away from pursuing unhealthy and unrealistic idols of appearance. But how?

First, we must pray for our kids. Ask God to fill them with a desire to conform to the “who we are” image of Christ rather than to the “what we look like” images thrown at them by the world.Second, watch what appearance messages you send through your words and actions. Our comments about kids’ weight, shape, etc. hit them hard. Be sure to love your kids for who they are, not for what they look like.Third, deal with your own body-image issues. Let’s face it: We’ve grown up in and continue to live in a world that’s sent the same flood of messages our way. Have you given in? If so, that’s sending messages out loud and clear to your kids.Finally, help your kids identify media lies and stereotypes. Consciously process them together in a way that leads your kids to realize how these images stray from God’s design for people created in his image.

 

FilmWatch

Movie: Legion (releases Jan. 22), Genre: Supernatural thriller

Rating: R (for strong bloody violence and language)

Synopsis: God loses faith in mankind and wants to start over. So he sends his angels to bring about Armageddon on earth. The archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) is now a fallen angel who’s siding with the humans. He tries to protect a waitress who might be pregnant with the second coming of Christ. 

Discussion Questions: Do you think God ever gets disgusted or angry with humans? Do you think he ever punishes us for our sins? Explain. What is God’s plan to save our broken world? Read aloud Matthew 24:30-31. What do you think it will be like when Christ returns to earth? Do you want that to happen during your lifetime? Why or why not?

 

Created in God’s Image 

Self-esteem is a huge concern among teenagers. They feel so much pressure to fit in and they worry about their looks, how they act, and if they’ll be accepted and liked by their peers. Having a positive self-image can be difficult. But there are things you can do to improve your self-image and self-esteem.

These kinds of thought patterns tend to erode self-esteem: 

- All-or-nothing thinking. For example, "If I don't succeed in this task, I'm a total failure."

- Mental filtering. You see only negatives and dwell on them. For example, "I made a mistake on that report and now everyone will realize I'm not up to this job."

- Converting positives into negatives. You reject your achievements. For example, "I only did well on that test because it was so easy."

- Jumping to negative conclusions. "My friend hasn't replied to my e-mail/text, so I must have done something to make her angry."

- Mistaking feelings for facts. For example, "I feel like a failure, so I must be a failure." No matter how strong a feeling is, it isn't a fact.

- Self put-downs. You undervalue yourself. This can result from overreacting to a situation, such as making a mistake. For example, "I don't deserve anything better."

Change your thoughts and beliefs:

- Use hopeful statements. Treat yourself with kindness and encouragement. Try telling yourself things such as, "Even though it's tough, I can handle this situation."

- Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes aren't permanent reflections on you as a person. They are isolated moments in time.

- Avoid 'should' and 'must' statements. If you find that your thoughts are full of these words, you may be putting unreasonable demands on yourself — or on others.

- Focus on the positive. Ask yourself, "What things have gone well recently?"

- Re-label upsetting thoughts. Think of negative thoughts as signals to use new, healthy thinking patterns. Ask yourself, "What can I think and do to make this less stressful?"

- Encourage yourself. Give yourself credit for making positive changes. Tell yourself, "I did a good job today."

Challenge your kids to begin seeing themselves as God sees them—as his children who He loves. In fact, God commands us to love ourselves as we love others (Leviticus 19:18). Emphasize that God has created each of them with potential. If they keep putting themselves down, God can’t use them to their fullest. God created us in his image. He loves us, cares about us. He loves us as we are, not for what we think we should be.

Source in part: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem/MH00129